We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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