just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
