Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.

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(630): I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof. http://tfl.nu/he9o

Replies (4) Good night (1210) Bad night (616)
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(858): View more from California

i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals

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(858): i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals http://tfl.nu/45ft

Replies (6) Good night (2528) Bad night (698)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!

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(401): This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan! http://tfl.nu/8a5r

Replies (26) Good night (5353) Bad night (987)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

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(314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f

Replies (39) Good night (8382) Bad night (946)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

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(508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt

Replies (44) Good night (5673) Bad night (1383)
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(512): View more from Texas

that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.

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(512): that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people. http://tfl.nu/5ebd

Replies (9) Good night (3601) Bad night (978)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?

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(832): Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities? http://tfl.nu/5gd1

Replies (33) Good night (1026) Bad night (7121)
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(406): View more from Montana

Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.

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(406): Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick. http://tfl.nu/xla1

Replies (6) Good night (2071) Bad night (830)
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(641): View more from Iowa

Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?

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(641): Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions? http://tfl.nu/f9wf

Replies (10) Good night (2269) Bad night (1238)
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(512): View more from Texas

In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.

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(512): In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes. http://tfl.nu/9eez

Replies (9) Good night (1820) Bad night (512)
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(406): View more from Montana

Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.

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(406): Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out. http://tfl.nu/4zrh

Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (737)
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(727): View more from Florida

It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1

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(727): It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1 http://tfl.nu/uvim

Replies (5) Good night (609) Bad night (292)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere

(514): View more from Quebec

Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever

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(613): I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere (514): Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever http://tfl.nu/1t8i

Replies (6) Good night (1237) Bad night (353)
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(214): View more from Texas

So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.

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(214): So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot. http://tfl.nu/cnna

Replies (1) Good night (211) Bad night (500)
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(613): View more from Ontario

You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset

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(613): You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset http://tfl.nu/gsvr

Replies (1) Good night (250) Bad night (314)

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