we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek