your parents love me but you hate me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed