Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
