it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs