Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.