Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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