the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
