hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Two words: blizzard sex
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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