my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
