Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
