you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
