all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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