i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i am craving dick and cupcakes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
