i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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