Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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