u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
