just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
