The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
