so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
