the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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