I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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