I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
