Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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