You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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