Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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