Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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