ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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