You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
