Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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