i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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