so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
