I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want to make a zoo with you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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