I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
