Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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