Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
