remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
