I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
