We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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