a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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