do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
