I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
