I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
