I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
