Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
