I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
