it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
