Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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