So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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