When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
