your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
