Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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