im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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