PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
FUCK WHALES
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