No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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