before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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