No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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