I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
