you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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