Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
