Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
