That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
