Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
