you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
