You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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