Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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