I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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