so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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