the condom got lost in my hair
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
