I showed him my bush... on skype.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
