Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
