I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
