On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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