..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
